What I really meant to say
by Silent Angel of Time
Summary: A SonnyAlexis song fic, telling if their back ground...I don't know their actually first meeting so go with me...this is before that. One Parter


~It took me by surprise  
When I saw you standin' there~  
  
Alexis took a sip of wine but almost joked, "Alexis are you all right?" Ned asked.  
Alexis didn't responded, her eyes focused across the room on the man standing there. He stood talking to a blonde woman holding a red haired child, they seemed to be arguing about something. It had been years but she would never mistake his face anywhere.  
  
  
~Close enough to touch  
Breathin' the same air~  
  
He had walked out of her life, ALexis thought for good, and yet here, thousands of miles away he stood. The same posture, as if he were always on guard yet he still maintained a carefree sort of stance. He looked angry now though fighting with the blonde woman. He turned away from her and his eyes connected with Alexis'. And he slowly walked her way.  
  
~You asked me how I'd been  
I guess that's when I smiled and said just fine~  
  
"Hello Alexis." His words were smooth like chocolate, that had been one of the things that had first attracted him to Alexis.  
"Hello Sonny." Alexis tried not to make eyes contact. She had tried so many times to walk away from him, but everytime she lost herself in those deep brown eyes.  
"How have you been?" Alexis could tell Sonny was trying to make casual conversation.  
"I'm fine. I'm a lawyer now."  
"I know." Alexis wasn't surprised that he knew every aspect of her life.  
  
~Oh, but baby I was lyin'  
What I really meant to say  
Is I'm dyin' here inside  
And I miss you more each day  
There's not a night I haven't cried  
And baby, here's the truth  
I'm still in love with you  
(And, that's what I really meant to say)~  
  
God, Alexis wished she could just tell Sonny everything on her mind. How there hadn't been a day that went by when she didn't think of Sonny, any night when dreams of him didn't consume her. He knew she would never be able to actually so those words to him, never, she may be able to save a mans life by speaking but when it came to Sonny words were always lost.  
  
~And as you walked away  
The echo of my words  
Cut just like a knife  
Cut so deep it hurt~  
  
"Well I'm glad your happy." Sonny said. "I should go."  
"Yeah." Alexis nodded. "It was nice seeing you again."  
Alexis wanted to kick herself. Only 10 years ago the couple had been quickly approaching marriage and now they were making the bare minimum of polite conversation. To save the other the pain.  
  
~I held back the tears  
Held on to my pride and watched you go~  
  
Alexis truely wanted to cry right there over the love she had lost so many years ago. She wanted to call after him and tell him not to go. To stay with her forever.  
  
!I wonder if you'll ever know  
What I really meant to say  
Is I'm dyin' here inside  
And I miss you more each day  
There's not a night I haven't cried  
And baby, here's the truth  
I'm still in love with you  
(And, that's what I really meant to say)~  
  
No it was impossible for Alexis to stop him now. She hadn't been able to stop him from walking out that door before when she had been so foolish as to get in the middle of his bussiness. Getting in the middle of Sonny fights had...had caused her to loose the one thing that had meant the most to the 2 of the. Their little baby girl, Alexis wasn't able to go a month without sticking her nose in Sonny's business. If she had been able to she may have still been with him.  
  
~What I really meant to say  
Is I'm really not that strong~  
  
Alexis had put up a strong front when she had told SOnny she had lost the baby. She hadn't cried in front of him, she hadn't begged him to stay when he walked out the door. She had just let him go.  
  
~No matter how I try  
I'm still holdin' on~  
  
Now even though the memory was painful to recall she was holding on and moving on as much as she missed Sonny and their unborn child.  
  
~And here's the honest truth  
I'm still in love with you~  
  
And no matter how much she kept lieing to herself and to Sonny she was still as much in love with him as she had ever been.  
  
~And, that's what I really meant to say~  
  
That's what she had meant to say to Sonny. But now that she hadn't she never would. And she would have to pretend to forget that he was ever imporant to her.  
  
That's what I really meant to say  
That's what I really meant to say 


End file.
